Whilst everyone else was compiling their end of year posts, I was being my usual contrary self. My idea was to write down in one of my many notebooks (and in this case, it was a Moleskine notebook, so it was something I was serious about) the reasons for, as the title of this post explains, why I do it. I put it down somewhere, which was the bookcase in the spare room, and couldn’t find it again until yesterday.
What follows is that which I write down. You might find it interesting, insightful, or even the ramblings of a depressive. It’s probably all these and more.
It’s the end of 2016, and it’s been one hell of a year. From David Bowie’s unexpected death to the sudden loss of Debbie Reynolds so soon after her daughter, the arts as a whole have suffered devastating losses.
Brett, Trump, Jo Cox, and the re-election of Jeremy Corbyn as the leader of the Labour Party here in the UK, are examples of the challenges that the world has to face following the political events of the past 12 months.
As much as we are impacted but he events of the world around us, the events that have the most impact are smaller; they are personal to the core.
This, then, is the reason I do this blog. It’s personal to me. I don’t do ut for the PR companies, labels or bands that send me music.
I don’t do it for the gratification, likes, shares, hits or RTs. When they comes I’ll smile and feel pleased. But it’s just momentary.
When I started Closewatch I wanted to carry on what I’d started at Beatwolf and Jungle. I enjoy writing and I enjoy music. Do combining the two seemed like a cracking idea.
It still does.
But over time the reason(s) for continuing have changed somewhat. From wanting and hoping the something professional might happen, such as moving from a blog to a publication of some kind, Closewatch became an outlet, a place for me to exercise my creative muscles and allow me to work out my demons – or at least some of them.
Why would I need to do this, I hear you ask? Because when I was a teenager I was diagnosed with depression, and this year due to reasons beyond my control an additional diagnosis of anxiety was added.
Over the past three or so years I’ve had a couple of relapses. One thing that’s changed is that, through the help, love, and support of my partner, I’ve realised it’s important for me to do things that I enjoy for me.
There may be times, like this year, where I take a break. There might be times where, like since the start, I’ll say I’ll do a review, write up or post – but I don’t. It may be that the need to write isn’t present at that time.
Nine times out of ten I’ll listen and form an opinion.
Ten times out of ten, I’ll not disseminate.
100 times out of 100 I’ll be writing for me.